My Immortal
by Destinii Kendall
Summary: Join us for a translation of the worst Fan Fiction ever written. Here you will find the original text of the famous and grammatically incorrect Tara Gilesbie, as well as my Translation for the Literate.
1. An Introduction

**Welcome!**

Some of you may know this story, My Immortal, as the worst fan fiction ever.

It was removed from this website for some reason, but I'm bringing it back.

Why? For the lulz. But not only am I going to be posting the original and horrible text, I'll be TRANSLATING IT! To the best of my ability, I will provide you with a translation that makes a little more sense than the original. It will still be horrible, but sound much more intelligent and inform you as to what the plot is really about.

And of course, I did NOT write this thing. The author is XXXbloodyrists666XXX, who still has an account on this website. The only text written by me in all of these chapters are my translations. Of course, Tara Gilesbie herself no longer has stories on the site, but this is a tribute to her and her ability to make brains melt across the nation. If you would like to read the full text without my translations, do so or ask me for a link to her official website (made by the fans).

Special Fangz to Abandon Structure, who wrote a My Immortal Investigation, which inspired me to write this translation.

The first 15 chapters may make sense in the original now (maybe) but believe me, they won't later on down the line.

WARNING: I am not responsible for any brain cells you may lose.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!


	3. A Literate Translation of Chapter One

AN: Special fangs (cause I'm gothic) to my girlfriend (no homo) Raven, bloodytearz666, for helping make my story seem less retarded and correcting my spelling! You rock! Justin, you're the love of my sad and pitiful life and you rock too! MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE ROCKS!

Hi, I have a ridiculously long name that I got from my love of Gerard Way and having ebony black hair. My hair has purple streaks and red tips that reach my mid-pack. I have icy blue limpid eyes with shiny tears. A lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee, even though she and I have no relation whatsoever. (AN: If you don't know who Amy Lee is, you're obviously a prep). I'm not related to Gerard Way, but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie (AN: I have a thing for incest). Like all vampires, my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin and am a witch on top of being a vampire. I go to Hogwarts School for the Mentally Incapacitated in the State of Delusion, where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seven years old, but I skipped lots of years because I'm gothic). I'm a goth (just in case you are unintelligent enough not to notice from my parenthetical notations) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and get all of my clothes from there. For example, today I wore tons of gothic-looking clothes that can be purchased at Hot Topic, but I had some pink on because secretly, I want to be a preposition so bad. I wore lots of makeup because of my hideous pimpled face. I walked outside of Hogwarts, where there was no sun and lots of snow and rain. Prepositions stared at me and I flipped them the bird.

"Hey Ebony!" Shouted a voice. I looked up to see Draco Malfoy! Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked trying to seem smooth.

"Nothing," he sneered, but I took it as him being shy and sensitive. At that moment, my gothic friends called me and I had to leave.

AN: Is it good? Please tell me, fangs (cause I'm gothic)!

**REAL AN: I tried to simplify it as much as possible . . . but it still ended up being completely horrid. Hopefully your brain cells didn't rot as much as they did with the original, though =P Please note that I don't really intend this to be a parody, I'm just trying to shed light on what Tara Gilesbie was thinking when she wrote this xD Any suggestions, guys?**


	4. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.


	5. A Literate Translation of Chapter Two

AN: Fangs to bloodytearz666 for once again editing my horrific spelling skills (she even edits my ANs now!) Prepositions, stop flaming my story OR ELSE!

The next day, I woke up in my room. Still in my coffin, I knew it was raining and snowing still because I'm a psychic psycho crazy bitch. I opened the door of my coffin and started drinking a random bottle of blood. My coffin was black ebony (cause I'm gothic) and it was hot pink velvet inside with black lace bordering it (cause I like prepositional colors!). I got out of my coffin and took off the giant My Chemical Romance t-shirt that I wore constantly without ever washing. I put on a slutty outfit covered in pentagrams. I then put 99 pairs of earrings in my pierced ears and put my hair in a messy bun so I would look EXACTLY like Amy Lee this time.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven, this is you! BUFFY ROCKS!) woke up and grinned at me. She flipped her long pink, purple, blue, yellow, and green hair over her shoulder cockily and wore an outfit that looked like Marilyn Manson threw up on her (cause we're gothic).

"OH MY FUCKING SATAN, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she exclaimed excitedly as we loaded our faces with makeup in an attempt to mask our atrocious faces.

"SO! Are you a prep?" I said, blushing.

"NO! Do you like Draco?" We went into the Great Hall.

"NO I FUCKING DON'T! I only blushed because I'm an idiot!" I shouted.

"Yeah right! You're the smartest person I've ever met!" I was so flattered, but still didn't like Draco. Due to my unstable personality, however, I got all warm inside when Draco approached me.

"Hi" I giggled, flirting.

"Guess what?"

"OH MY FUCKING SATAN, you're not really a real Harry Potter character because you look and act nothing like him!"

"Good Charlotte is having a concert in Hogsmeade." Draco completely ignored my assumption, but who cares, IT WAS GOOD CHARLOTTE.

"OH. MY. FUCKING. SATAN." I screamed (cause I'm gothic). I love GC. They are my favorite band (though I say that about every band that seems emo or gothic) besides My Chemical Romance.

"So do you want to go with me?" Draco asked, biting his black painted nails.

I gasped. He wanted to go on a date with me, even though I hate his fucking guts.

We went about our lives and I never gave him an answer to his question, because I was too busy planning my gothic outfit for the concert and wondering why an American band would visit Hogwarts School for the Mentally Incapacitated in the State of Delusion.


End file.
